Shikamaru vs the Logical Fallacies
by FanFicBias
Summary: Shikamaru is a rationalist who uses and uncovers Rational Fallacies. Current story is trying out the idea and picks up right at the end of the first Team Asuma fight against Kakuzu/Hidan. Story inspired by Harry Potter fanfic Methods of Rationality.
1. Shikamaru vs the Impact Bias

**Shikamaru Vs. The Logical Fallacies**

_Today's Adventure: Shikamaru vs. the Impact Bias_

Kishimoto owns the Naruto universe.

Less Wrong "owns" Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality (a model for this story in many ways).

Everyone owns the Logical Fallacies.

Until we wipe them off the face of the Earth.

This story has some differences from Canon such as the implementation of tech already available in the Canon (like radio towers) and Kabuto being still in Konoha.

The Impact Bias chapter is a way to test out this concept and I'll likely restart from the beginning of Naruto if the Awesomeness yield is high enough.

Click the profile "FanFicBias" for full background and additional notes and references. Reviews very much appreciated.

**SPOILERS** for everything in Naruto up through the first Hidan/Kakuzu fight.

* * *

Shikamaru and Asuma looked at the wise-cracking Hidan, or rather his HEAD, in disbelief. Impossible.

Shikamaru's brain was completely derailed. It was hurtling off-track in Shikamaru's mind, screaming something about how it was totally reasonable to not have a contingency plan for cutting off someone's HEAD and then NOT having them die.

Shikamaru compromised and switched the tracks to accommodate his runaway brain-train, rather than trying to force reality to conform to his will, which was irrational.

_Reality is true no matter what you think_, Shikamaru thought.

Analyze the data you have, hypothesize from there.

Asuma had just cut off Hidan's head.

He wasn't dead. Not only that, he was still TALKING. How was that possible? Where was the breath to form syllables coming from? Why wasn't all the blood from his head rushing out of his neck in a gory tidal wave? Instead, there was just a pitiful puddle on the ground. How was his brain still getting oxygen? How could he keep thinking at all? He should already be nutrient-starved, pale and graying, with his tongue lolling out and his eyes floating into the back of his head from blood loss.

He took a deep breath, trying not to hyperventilate. The world was violating nearly every law of biology Shikamaru knew about.

_That simply means those laws aren't universal, aren't always right, that this case is an exception somehow_, Shikamaru thought.

Shikamaru and Asuma just stared for several long seconds while Hidan let loose a string of curse words.

_It's been almost a minute_, said the helpful time-keeping part of himself. Shikamaru imagined him holding a big stopwatch, and dressed in a top hat and twirling a cane.

Time-keeper Shikamaru wasn't concerned about trying to mentally deal with Things That Could Not Happen.

Time-keeper Shikamaru simply kept the time.

"Pretty please?" Hidan was saying. "Come get my head, Kakuzu!"

Shikamaru's beating heart was accelerating at a breakneck pace: he still couldn't form words, couldn't imagine how to deal with what was in front of him.

It was as if your parents had told you stories about Tengu demons and then you told them you were afraid there was one under your bed, so they came in at night to show you that was just silly but they would check for you-

And then a _Tengu demon killed them._

Who could prepare for _that_?

Talking, beheaded shinobi were just like that.

In the back of Shikamaru's mind, he heard a distant, tinny voice. A new speaker he'd been unable to hear before. He didn't have any better ideas, so he gave it the floor.

_Stab through his brain! _It was screaming. _Cut out his heart! Your life energy or chakra or whatever the hell it's called is generated by your heart, right? So maybe whatever bogus magic is keeping his pieces alive is connected to his chakra! How else does it identify him if he's not connected to his _torso_ anymore?_

Shikamaru dubbed him Rational Bloodlust Shikamaru. He imagined him holding a chainsaw.

"O-OK." Shikamaru said aloud, ignoring RB Shikamaru for the time being. "So at least he can't move now. So we just need to-"

_Idiot! _Said Rational Bloodlust. _Aren't you paying attention at all to what's going on? Look at the other guy- what was his name again? Right- Kakuzu: he's about to move- to get Hidan's head, you can tell by the way he's tensing._ _You haven't taken Hidan out, you've only temporarily incapacitated him! He can't move his body but he can still talk; what if he can use jutsus from just his head? You think this is the first time he's been beheaded? He wasn't surprised at all, only surly. What if they have a way to reconstitute him and put him back in action? It might take a week but do you think he's really down for the count based on how he's reacting? Do you really want to have to go through all of that AGAIN? You need to finish him off right now while you have the chance! Rip out his heart! Do it!_

Shikamaru imagined Rational Bloodlust raising his chainsaw and revving it a few times, smoke billowing all around him like a cloak.

He glanced down at his tiny _kunai_.

He found the task in front of him was kind of like being asked to mercy kill God. How can anyone be so arrogant as to think they can form a proper strategy against a god? Who knew that gods even existed at all? Shikamaru was having trouble keeping up with his rapidly changing world view.

_He's __**not**__ a God!_ _Do you really think a God would be in __**Akatsuki**__? What could he possibly need from them? He's a __**man**_**. **_His jutsu has limits. Because he has limits. TEST them._

"A-Asuma." Shikamaru stammered. "We have to-"

But it was too late.

The other Akatsuki- Kakuzu- was suddenly next to Hidan's head. He picked him up roughly by the hair.

"Ow that hurts damnit!" Said the talking head. "You're ripping it out!"

They kept talking but Shikamaru found himself drifting again. He was exhausted, and forming strategies based on the intel he was currently observing felt like forming a strategy from inside a dream.

"Dream-logic," they called it. Ever shifting, no rule ever the same for more than a minute or two. Everything worked like how it seemed it should, and not how it would rationally.

Like how, of course beheaded, talking shinobi heads could still talk afterward. They were _immortal_ silly. Nevermind basic laws of biology, physics or _common sense._

Shikamaru glanced over at the two bodies of his other comrades, Kotetsu and Izumo. Did they look a little grey? Were they dead yet? Or just unconscious?

It really was a shame that Kakuzu wasn't as emotional and irrational as Hidan. His refusal to "stay out of it" while calmly telling Hidan he was being irrational and that they would "split up and each take out two Konoha shinobi", had been a disappointment.

It wasn't often that your enemy gave you a gift like that. Maybe things wouldn't be going so poorly if Kakuzu _had_ stayed out of it?

Kakuzu was somehow sewing Hidan's head back on now. Wonderful. What next? Shikamaru half expected Kakuzu to produce wings and fly around.

They were all spent. It didn't matter if Kakuzu's talent was just punching things real good (which was _highly_ unlikely), there was no way they could face them like this; with the two other Chuunin dead or near-dead, Asuma half-burned to a crisp with a hole in his leg, and Shikamaru with barely enough chakra to perform a half-assed _Henge._

Hidan said something about how he called dibs on the "fire-spitting bastard" and Kakuzu began walking toward Shikamaru casually, but with eyes alert.

No. This was no good. He needed a game changer, and _now_.

_Think damnit!_ Shikamaru shouted at his beleaguered brain.

He took a deep breath and engaged his idea generation program.

Step 1) Calm down.

He took a deep breath.

And again.

Kakuzu was walking toward him in no real hurry, those weirdly colored eyes analyzing him. So he had at least like half a minute.

Plenty of time.

Step 2) Goals- Don't die, get them all OUT of here.

Step 3) Self assessment:

He had no chakra, and was near-exhaustion, so fighting straight was out of the question. Not that he had any chance in hand-to-hand versus this guy anyway, since he had nearly pulverized Shikamaru from behind without breaking a sweat at the beginning of the fight.

Did that mean he was a close-range type?

It didn't matter. The point was: Shikamaru would have to use dirty tricks, they were way too outgunned.

Kakuzu took a few more steps and Shikamaru saw Hidan stalking toward a wary Asuma.

Shikamaru took another shuddering, deep breath. He needed to think, and Kakuzu seemed too cautious to try taking advantage.

Step 4) Full Inventory:

He had his usual complement of gear, none of which was very useful right now.

_Remember what "Full inventory" means_, said Rational Bloodlust. Thank his bizarre childhood he was still around. _Your inventory includes everything in your immediate surroundings, since you can use any of it._

Shikamaru glanced behind him, taking in what was nearby.

He reached a hand into one of his Chuunin utility packs.

His eyes widened a little. He tried to keep a sly grin off his face.

Dirty trick acquired.

But then he frowned. Kakuzu was approaching him. That was a problem. That guy was far too cautious. His calm dismissal of Hidan's demands to stay out of the fight proved that. Dirty tricks had to be pretty good to work on him. They had to be actual "tricks" and not parlor tricks you came up with out of desperation.

The way things were going, he would lose. They would all die. It was like the game was slanted against them.

_Then change the rules! _ Said RB, giving his chainsaw a healthy tug for good measure.

Right. What was the rule he was having trouble with?

He needed to trick his opponent to win.

Kakuzu was not the easily tricked kind.

_Easy, change the opponent then._

Shikamaru's eyes flickered to Hidan.

That would be _much_ better. Captain Irrational and an emotional powder keg.

But how did he get him as an opponent instead?

_Come on, he's been lobbing preschool insults at you without irony all day, remember__?_

Shikamaru almost laughed with relief. He had a chance now.

Kakuzu had crossed half the distance between them. Shikamaru released the breath he'd been holding, his fingers poised in his fingertips-together-super-thinking-posture.

It was about to strike again.

"Hey cowardly retard!" he shouted at the top of his lungs.

Kakuzu stopped and tilted his head appraisingly.

"Excuse me?" He asked mildly. "Is that supposed to make me-"

"Not _YOU,_" Shikamaru said as loud as he could. "I mean the little _GIRL_ behind you who can only kill people who are already wounded!"

Kakuzu shut his mouth and his eyes widened in understanding of Shikamaru's ploy. He whirled to look behind him.

Hidan glanced over at Shikamaru in surprise.

His spike-thing was already sticking out of his own chest. The bone paint on his face and arms was back. The scythe was embedded in his stomach.

Shikamaru looked over and saw Asuma on the ground, spitting up blood.

Tears sprang unbidden to Shikamaru's eyes.

"ASUMA!" he screamed. He hesitated, his body wanted to run toward Asuma, to get there.

To get there _right now_.

_No! It's an emotional bias!_ A voice in his head said. _What just happened matters, but reacting to it, as if it's impact were bigger than anything else happening right now, would that be logical? Do you want to _cause_ Asuma's death by reacting to how you feel in the moment? You can still save him! But only if you _survive-_ only if you incapacitate your enemies first! You don't even have to kill them, just render them momentarily immobile!_

He took a deep breath, his lungs shuddering as his body continued weeping, though the part of Shikamaru that mattered had stopped.

He tried to ignore all the voices inside that were calling him a coward, a loser, a traitor for not going to help Asuma right now, before he was already dead.

_Instead of fighting the feelings, _use them, _said Rational Bloodlust._ How you feel can serve rationality too!

"YOU BASTARD!" Shikamaru screamed at Hidan. "You're a real big man aren't you! Offing the weak! Going for easy targets! Your cheap-ass God must be so _proud._ What, is Lord Jashin God of the Cheap Easy Kill now? Or-"

Shikamaru quickly found his rage subsiding as he ran out of natural insults. Hidan looked on the brink of exploding, but he wasn't there yet. Shikamaru scoured his brain for something else to say.

"-Lord of the... scaredy…pants?"

Hidan pulled the various blades out of his body and regarded Shikamaru with rage.

"YOU SHUT UP ABOUT JASHIN-SAMA!" Hidan shrieked at him. "YOU KNOW NOTHING YOU GODLESS FREAK! I'LL TEACH YOU! LORD JASHIN WILL TASTE YOUR BLOOD NEXT!"

Hidan sped at Shikamaru, wild, out of control.

_That could've been you_, said one of Shikamaru's inner voices. _Beware emotional biases_. Some of those voices were still seething at him, still screaming at him to go to Asuma.

Instead he gritted his teeth, tears falling down his face. He could only follow through with the plan, hope he wasn't too late. He felt like part of his mind was dying, was tearing off from himself in disgust, and was running to save Asuma like a good student would. Like a loyal friend would. But running to Asuma now would only succeed in getting himself killed, no matter what his emotional bias said. And then who would save Asuma?

He reached behind him and put both of his hands in one of his utility packs. He glanced at something in the pack and quickly rifled through it, finding the right type he needed.

Close enough.

He clutched a small pair of medical scissors and glanced behind him. He made a quick series of cuts, estimating the size he would need in his head.

He turned back to Hidan who was rushing at him with bestial rage.

"Hidan, wait," said Kakuzu in that calm rumble he had. "He's obviously trying to trick you."

"He can't trick me if I KILL HIM FIRST." Hidan cackled, throwing back his head.

Shikamaru threw a few shuriken at Hidan, who dodged effortlessly. Shikamaru kept at it, throwing and retreating back as far as he could. He had to time this absolutely perfectly.

Hidan leapt through the air, swinging his scythe.

Shikamaru managed to dodge just barely, his eyes widening as the scythe cut the edge of his shirt bloodlessly, but throwing off his timing. Shikamaru managed to spin and throw down a smoke bomb before Hidan could move again.

"Who's the coward NOW?" Hidan shouted triumphantly.

Hidan waited at the edge of the smoke, shaking in anticipation.

"You think I'm that _stupid?_" Hidan said to the smoke. "I _know_ you're in there! You can't trick me that easily! You insult lord Jashin with your BULLSHIT."

The smoke cleared and Shikamaru was down on one knee, coughing, tears streaming down his face.

"Please… he was saying, pleading. "We can talk about this, can't we? Asuma please don't die."

"AHAHAHA!" Hidan laughed, throwing back his head. "Now who's a little girl huh?"

He raised his scythe and took a step forward.

The step pressed down on the dirt-colored cloth on the ground, and directly into the hole full of sticky water Shikamaru had seen his Chuunin comrades use earlier. It was a pool of translucent, blue-tinged syrup about a meter in diameter. Hidan's feet were hopelessly stuck the moment he stepped down.

Hidan swore loudly and tried to take another step.

He failed.

"COWARD! Hypocritical coward!" Hidan shouted at him.

Shikamaru laughed, wiping at his only kind-of-fake tears, and favored Hidan with a smile.

Then he turned and ran like hell with Kakuzu fast on his trail.

_If I pulled off such an outrageously awesome out-of-my-ass trick only to get killed by Kakuzu now I'm going to be really pissed_, Shikamaru thought.

"I must advise against getting killed" said a voice in Shikamaru's ear in a calm tone. "They would probably make me do your autopsy, after all."

"It'll be really easy." Shikamaru said automatically. "There will be a giant hole in my chest." Shikamaru thought back to the ruined balcony he had nearly joined in being crushed to bits. He risked a glance over his shoulder at Kakuzu who was steadily gaining on him as he bravely ran away.

That's when it occurred to him that: 1) he had been speaking out loud when he had meant to say something only in his head and 2) the voice he had thought was only in his head was actually Kabuto speaking out loud through the radio receiver in his ear. He calculated that based on the fact that to his knowledge, none of his inner voices were actually physicians.

Right. He was also unlikely to be able to perform an autopsy on himself.

Kabuto sighed theatrically over the staticy line. "You know the Konoha brass, they'll bring me your hole-ridden corpse and say "Determine the cause of death" with no irony at all. I don't think anyone wants that awkward situation to happen. How can I help?"

"Finally." Shikamaru said, fingering the small camera on his vest shoulder. "Where have you been? Have you been getting any video feed from this TV camera?"

"In fact, I have been getting some images from it. Though it is still glitchy. I apologize for not making radio contact with you before now. There was a problem at one of the radio relay stations, but we didn't know which one so a team had to be sent to find the problem and as we're low on manpower due to the search for Akatusuki just now, it took-"

CRASH.

Shikamaru just barely got out of the way as Kakuzu shot a fist into the ground where he had been standing a moment earlier, pulverizing a good meter of rock.

The Akatsuki casually pulled in his hand with those bizarre tentacle things, as if he were reeling in fishing line.

Shikamaru landed in the middle of flying rubble, wincing as a few stray shooting pebbles cut his face.

"Remember when you were talking about how to make me not die? I liked that part way better than the monologue!" Shikamaru said.

Kakuzu cocked his head to one side.

"Who are you speaking with?"

Those disturbing green and red eyes zeroed in on Shikamaru's modified radio, which was fastened to his uniform's left shoulder.

"Ah. One of those civilian toys. I had wondered why you were wearing it."

Shikamaru took a step back again and felt bone-weary.

_What a pain in the ass_, he thought. _I should be dead by now. At least then I wouldn't be jumping around so much._

"I suppose you have already told your village of our position and abilities. No doubt they have sent backup. But there is still merit in killing you. After all, you certainly have better analytical abilities than my partner" Kakuzu said in his even rumble. His eyes gave the slightest twitch of irritation.

Shikamaru tried hard not to shake. He shouldn't be in this position. Obviously he needed more minions to handle this kind of thing. He thought about Kakuzu's words. Backup. He scanned the surrounding forest out of the corner of his eye. No sign of it yet. But the Chuunin _had_ sent for them.

With _pigeons_. Shikamaru still couldn't believe Konoha was still using _pigeons_ for communications when there were _long-range communication systems_ available all around them in the form of television towers. Even if pigeon travel was more secure, which he doubted, sometimes what you needed was speed.

". ..But you will be dead before they arrive" Kakuzu finished.

The Akatsuki extended his arms and widened his stance.

Damnit! If only they had worked faster with the radio and video, _made_ those old fossils back at Konoha see sense sooner, this whole situation could've been avoided! He should've done something, been smarter, faster.

Stronger. He should've been stronger.

And now Asuma-

Shikamaru shook his head. It's an emotional bias! What mattered right now wasn't grief or self-blame. He had to incapacitate Kakuzu. Even for just one minute.

Was Asuma even still alive?

"I need any information you have on this guy's weakness, Kabuto. The guy with the weird eyes. And I need it right now." The quiet chill in Shikamaru's voice surprised even himself.

"Ah, right. Of course." Kabuto seemed taken aback, but he quickly recovered and resumed an academic tone of voice.

"One of the stills your camera recorded showed a man who attacked you with his fist, pulverizing rocks. His skin was nearly the same color."

"Yes, that's my opponent now." Shikamaru said quietly.

Kakuzu took a few cautious steps forward, as if he were more curious than apprehensive or afraid.

"Have you decided to stop running, yet?" He sounded like he honestly didn't care what Shikamaru's answer was outside of a clinical curiosity.

"So? Bottom-line it for me." Shikamaru took a step back in time with Kakuzu's strides forward. He felt like a deer giving way to a hunting lion.

_What a concise summation of our current respective abilities, _Shikamaru thought dryly.

"I asked around. It's an Earth Element technique," Kabuto buzzed in his ear.

Shikamaru started. He hadn't thought of that.

An elemental technique. That means it's weak to other elemental techniques. What was Earth weak to?

"Basically, you need a lightning technique to counter it. Otherwise you probably won't be able to hurt him," Kabuto said, matter of fact.

Wonderful. Now Shikamaru could add "Generate a lightning jutsu" to his growing list of impossible things he had to do.

Kakuzu increased his pace.

_That impossible task is right under "Don't get a fist sized hole blasted in your chest_," Shikamaru thought.

Kakuzu slide-stepped forward.

"This is an interesting dilemma." Kakuzu said in a dry rumble. "Do I simply attack you outright? Are you truly out of tricks? Was your trick with Hidan merely last minute desperation? Or was it planned from the beginning? Do you have any other tricks set up back here?"

So that's why he was sliding around. He thought Shikamaru had traps set up here like the one he'd pulled on Hidan.

_He actually thinks I'm smart._

_What an idiot._

Gallows Humor Shikamaru laughed darkly. He was wearing a hood, of course.

Stop it.

Think.

Engage idea generation program.

Execute.

Shikamaru took a deep breath, though it was more of a wheeze considering how tired he was. That took care of Step 1.

Engage idea creation mode!

Come on, _think_. There's a way out of this, your only job is to _find _it.

Step 2) Goal Assessment: Avoid fist-sized hole in chest.

_Remember, you don't need to kill Kakuzu, just stop him for a few minutes so you can help Asuma, maybe retreat or allow enough time for backup to arrive_.

Step 3) Self Assessment:

He was tired out of his mind, out of half of his weapon inventory, and out of dirty tricks. Also he was telling himself stupid jokes and talking to himself a lot, which was probably a bad sign.

Step 4) Full Inventory:

A few kunai, one smoke bomb, a few shuriken. Cloth for hiding in things that aren't dirt like what he was standing on right now. He glanced around, noting how Kakuzu was getting closer to him, with an increasingly suspicious expression on his face.

Additional inventory- one theoretically exploitable weakness to lightning. Which was just one of a vast number of things Shikamaru had no hope of doing.

_He's probably also weak to having an entire mountain fall on his head_, gibed Gallows Shikamaru. _Hey, that's something else you can't do!_

Shikamaru tried not to hyperventilate as Kakuzu's step grew more confident, sliding less and less on the ground.

Additional inventory! Think! What else do you have?

_It's not going to help unless any of them can spit lightning_, Shikamaru thought bitterly. _Hey that's not a bad rubric to use! _Some half-hysterical part of Shikamaru thought, as every second brought Kakuzu one more-confident step closer.

One step closer to Shikamaru's death.

And the death of his team.

Let's see: they were around the side of the building now, with a few trees overhead.

Can trees produce a lightning jutsu?

No.

How about concrete? Glass windows?

No and nope.

_This is fun!_ Said Gallows Humor. It babbled on- _Dirt doesn't normally shock you with lightning, and neither does-_

Shikamaru froze.

He looked back at Kakuzu.

Noted what he'd just seen in the corner of his eye and fixed the point in his head.

He asked Kabuto a simple question over the radio.

"Wow." Kabuto said after a second. "I can honestly say I've never thought of that before, nor has any shinobi I've ever heard of. I don't know, Shikamaru, but it sounds like it's worth a try at this juncture."

Shikamaru said a few unfriendly things about the traditionalism of Konoha shinobi.

"Oh, it's not just them." Kabuto said. "Even in other villages they're only just barely getting used to new technology."

Kakuzu finally shrugged and began walking confidently toward Shikamaru, no longer worried about traps on the ground.

"I grow tired of this. You are likely bluffing by just standing there, making me think you have some trick prepared around you, hoping to buy time for your backup."

Kakuzu's skin suddenly darkened to a deep brownish hue, looking hard as a rock.

Could Shikamaru really use something so simple? Kakuzu wasn't an idiot like Hidan.

_But he's probably traditional! It's hard to tell, but he's certainly not a young man. And remember what Kabuto said about other villages-_ "…they're slow to adapt to technology."

Come to think of it, hadn't Kakuzu remarked about how Shikamaru's radio was a "civilian toy" as if it were a piece of junk, just another part of the background?

_He has a blind spot. He's biased toward tradition. It's another inventory item. Use it!_

Shikamaru reached into his bag and pulled out one of his last remaining kunai.

Dirty trick number two acquired.

_Now I just need to get him to follow me_, Shikamaru thought.

_The "want to kill you" part covers that! _Said Gallows Humor Shikamaru cheerfully, hanging from a rope around his neck that stretched up into nothingness.

Kakuzu adopted the faintest of smiles.

"You're ready to fight me. Good."

"That's right." Shikamaru said, pointing his kunai in Kakuzu's direction and summoning all of his bravery.

Then he turned and ran as hard as he could, like the coward he really was.

Kakuzu actually snorted, and ran after Shikamaru with alarming speed.

_It has to be perfect! _A voice screamed in Shikamaru's head. _You only get one chance at this!_

What else was new.

Shikamaru spun on his heel when he reached the correct position.

Kakuzu was gone.

What? Where had he gone? Shikamaru looked left.

Empty.

Turned his head right.

Nothing.

A shadow fell over him.

Panicking, Shikamaru looked up just in time to see Kakuzu falling down toward him in a mighty leap, his arm cocked for the coup de grace.

Shikamaru leapt back just ahead of Kakuzu's falling form. In mid-leap he spun the kunai in one hand, adjusting for the fact that he was moving backward now, so he had to release the spinning weapon going at a slight angle _forward_ in order to meet his objective of throwing it _straight up_.

He took care not to let the awkward spin carry the blade into his own hand, since kunai were not meant to be thrown like this. He released the weapon and it cartwheeled straight up in a tight spin as if someone were still twirling it on their invisible finger.

Kakuzu looked puzzled for a moment, twitching his head to one side as he fell toward Shikamaru- but the weapon wasn't on an arc to hit him.

And then Kakuzu was crashing into the ground right in front of him and there was the deafening sound of exploding rocks.

One of the rock shards hit Shikamaru in the knee as his jump took him backward. He shouted in surprised pain and fell to the ground awkwardly.

_If that didn't work, I am so screwed_, Shikamaru thought.

_That would've been true anyway,_ said Gallows Humor.

Kakuzu began standing up in the ruined crater he had made.

"Why did you throw that-"

SNAP!

There was the feeling of rushing air from above and Kakuzu looked up just in time to see a massive, cut power line sparking with live electricity hit him square in the chest.

Those weird green eyes of his widened in surprise as he was bathed in bright pops and sparks from the cable. The force of the snapping line hadn't even knocked him over.

_What a giant pain in the ass that technique is,_ Shikamaru thought offhand.

The live "lightning" had no such trouble however, and it followed the inexorable rules of physics, merrily racing toward its balancing home in the ground.

And of course using Kakuzu's more conductive body, thanks to the Earth technique, as a road.

He didn't even cry out as his body spasmed uncontrollably and brown burn marks appeared on his chest. The smell of ozone and burning flesh filled the air.

Shikamaru stood up wearily, wincing and favoring his hurt knee.

Not too bad. He could still walk on it.

He began moving away, but then he turned back to the twitching Kakuzu.

Should he try to take him out now?

But with what?

No, it was too dangerous anyway. There was, after all, a _live powerline_ right in front of him, and it was still dancing this way and that, joyfully showering Kakuzu in deadly light.

Still, he couldn't help himself.

"You Traditional-shinobi types are all insane." Shikamaru said to Kakuzu. "You carefully analyze me for signs of being able to exploit your weakness, when there was more lightning sitting right over your head than any village of shinobi could ever hope to produce with Chakra."

"Not a jutsu, but the real thing. Natural Lightning. It's not simply a "civilian toy.' Welcome to the age of Science."

Smirking, he hurried back the way he came.

He managed a half jog, going light on his bad knee, and cleared the side of the building.

Asuma was lying on the ground, not moving.

Shikamaru had nearly forgotten about him.

_If he dies because I was busy giving Kakuzu one-liners, that'll be a real pain in the ass, _Shikmaru thought dryly. But as he thought about it, the idea terrified him.

Hidan was still cussing and trying to extricate himself from the sticky water: mostly by thrashing around angrily, which was spectacularly ineffectual.

Shikamaru slid beside Asuma and laid an ear on his chest.

_**Ba-bump.**_

Heartbeat, but faint.

_What do I do now?_

"Kabuto, what do I do? Asuma looks bad."

"I can't see." Kabuto said. "What's happened to him?"

"He got burned and stabbed a lot." Shikamaru said, dripping sarcasm.

"Ah. By that guy you just hit with natural lightning?" Kabuto asked calmly.

"No, by himself! What does it matter?"

Shikamaru had meant it sarcastically but he realized it was true.

"Just tell me how I fix him!"

He heard Gallows Shikamaru cackling in the back of his head but Shikamaru ignored him and put both of his hands on Asuma's chest.

_Don't die, I still need you_, Shikamaru thought.

Kabuto had him angle the video cam tucked into the side of Shikamaru's lapel down toward Asuma.

But then a bunch of dark things got in the way.

Shikamaru looked around in confusion and realized that they were _crows_.

"Wait, what the hell am I doing?" asked Hidan, apparently to himself. He stopped thrashing and getting himself more covered in sticky goo, and chakra glowed on his feet. He stepped out of the goo. That's when he noticed the swirling birds.

"What the- ?" said Hidan.

And then-

"Ah GOD DAMNIT!" Hidan shouted. "THAT HURTS DAMNIT!"

Shikamaru craned his neck around, he could see two figures inside a mess of flapping and cawing crows. He recognized one as Hidan but the other-

He wore a uniform from Konoha.

It was Raidou.

Backup!

Except they didn't know about Hidan!

"Get away from him!" Shikamaru screamed. "Don't let him cut you!"

The Konoha shinobi sped backward, landing lightly. There was a black sword in his hand. It dripped blood.

"Stupid birds! Damnit!" Hidan said, flapping his arms at the birds. "You goddamned birds are lucky my scythe is still stuck in that sticky shit!"

Then Hidan seemed to notice Raidou's black sword.

"You have a _black_ sword! Inside this mess of _black_ birds! That is _so_ cheating!"

"But-but that's impossible." Raidou said. "I hit him in a vital point, how is he-"

"Cheating, huh? Says the man who can't die," Shikamaru said.

Raidou raised his eyebrows at Shikamaru in surprise.

Then Ino and Choji emerged from the trees.

"Ino," Shikamaru said. "Fix him."

She gave him an irritated look and then spread her hands a few centimeters over his chest, chakra glowing over her fingertips. She concentrated, and moved her hands from one point to another.

Her eyes widened.

She bit her lip and turned away.

She shook her head from side to side softly, not even looking at him.

"No way," Shikamaru said, his heart sinking. "You've got to be kidding me."

She began speaking in a clinical, dead-sounding voice, describing Asuma's injuries. The ruptured organs. Kabuto said something out of Shikamaru's radio that mostly agreed with Ino, judging by what he saw over the cam.

_How long_, Shikamaru mouthed to Ino.

_Minutes_, She mouthed back, her eyes watering.

Asuma looked at them, choking.

"I'm finished, Shikamaru. Even I know that."

"No," Shikamaru said firmly, pushing back his rising emotions.

"I have something to say to each of you." Asuma said.

"No," Shikamaru repeated stubbornly.

"These are Asuma's last words, pay attention." Ino said.

Silence.

"No" said Shikamaru again, lamely.

"Please Shikamaru," Asuma said weakly, blood dribbling out of his mouth.

Shikamaru looked away and let Asuma start monologuing. Death speeches were so overrated. What could you possibly say in the last few moments of life that you couldn't say better, and in more detail, _later_ when you were _still alive_? Why do we feel compelled to listen to people who are dying more than we did while they were alive?

It was obscene.

Shikamaru looked up, caught sight of a passing cloud. He felt like he was going to start sobbing or raging or both at any second. What a pain in the ass.

He wished he could just detach from all of this, float up into the sky, weightless and free like that cloud.

Why, universe?

_I fought two Akatsuki by myself and WON. I gave you TWO miracles. _

No. Don't get overconfident. It wasn't you who produced the miracles: they were solutions to the situation that were there the whole time. It was the removal of those blinders, the Logical Fallacies, that let that locomotive Rationality churn right through and save the day.

And the universe isn't a person. The universe doesn't care. And what were two miracles anyway? Now you need three. Big deal. Your first two miracles were against human opponents: Hidan, Kakuzu.

Now you have a new opponent.

Death. The greatest opponent of all, but it's not even _sentient._

But what weapon could he use on this opponent? He was fighting _death_.

_Death is a problem, just like any other_, Shikamaru thought. Use the best weapon there is-

Rationality.

_Alright brain, lay it on me_. Shikamaru said to his brain. Only you know, without actually saying that out loud.

Current Problem: Asuma is about to die. According to Ino, he's suffered multiple organ failures, and since they are all connected in a system, it's like a sinking boat. If only one section is flooded, the other parts could have enough air to keep the boat above water; but flood a majority of the sections-

One dead boat.

_Think! What else did she say?_

She said he was hurt and couldn't be healed, that death was inevitable given his injuries. And Kabuto concurred.

Which means that the only way out of Asuma's death in just a couple of minutes would be if Kabuto and Ino were BOTH wrong. No one else was close enough to help.

They were the medical experts: how could Shikamaru, an amateur, poke holes in their medical assessment?

_Ok, so they're medical experts, what are you an expert in?_ Said a voice from some lonely corner in his brain.

Rationality.

The Logical Fallacies.

_So don't poke holes in their medical expertise, poke holes in their _**logic**_._

Shikamaru took a breath.

OK. So examine their argument.

Fact 1: Asuma's internal organs were shutting down all at once.

Fact 2: The injuries to his organs could not be healed by any science or jutsu they possessed.

Therefore, Asuma was going to die.

How could he possibly poke a hole in _that_ argument? In some dark attic in the back of his mind, Gallows Humor was gibbering and chuckling to himself.

Asuma finished monologuing to Choji and was moving on to Ino now.

Shikamaru looked down at his hand, he was shaking. When Asuma got to him, the jig would be up. He couldn't just ignore a dying man, could he?

Illogical, but Shikamaru was having trouble imagining him telling Asuma to shut up while he thought how to save his master while Asuma-sensei was coughing up blood. He really needed to come up with miracle three before then.

OK. OK.

So he had the argument, the chain of events that led to Asuma's death. Now he just had to find a way to break up the argument.

How would he do that?

Of course. The Logical Fallacies. They were great at breaking up arguments.

So- assume for the sake of argument that there is an inherent flaw in the reasoning, due to a Fallacy lurking under the surface. What could it be? What likely fallacies would there be?

Answer: Probably a false assumption. That would break up that argument the easiest, if either fact 1 or 2 were predicated on a false assumption. So what assumptions did they rely on?

_Well, Fact 2 also implies that no outside force, situation or object can cause healing, or prevent death._

Ok, weak, but he would take it. Hmm. Prevent death. False assumption- that they had to heal Asuma. Could they prevent his death without healing him at all?

Shikamaru took another deep breath. It didn't seem like he was getting anywhere, but he felt a glimmer of hope, a tiny avenue was open and damnit he would follow it.

So what object, outside force, or situation can prevent death without healing? Assume that healing is impossible for now. That fact likely depends on medical stuff you won't understand. You want a logical hole, not a medical one. Focus on preventing death by itself.

He was drawing a blank. That was bad.

Asuma was wrapping up his monologue with Ino.

Also bad.

Keep going! He had to prevent death, yet could think of nothing on hand that could prevent death without healing.

Engage idea Creation Mode, 3.0!

Shikamaru looked around. It was absurd, but it had already worked TWICE. So why not?

Could a kunai prevent death?

No, it caused death more often than not. He could cut stuff with it, but tourniquets were insufficient for _organs_.

Shuriken?

Power lines?

Konoha shinobi? A puddle of syrupy goo?

Hidan?

No, he was more into the causing death thing too.

Why couldn't he think of anything?

Maybe another Fallacy?

Like what?

_How about functional fixedness? _Said Shikamaru's heroic brain, showing up hopefully not too little too late like a bastard.

Right, Functional Fixedness- the idea that objects could only be used for their intended purpose. In other words, as he looked around at his surroundings, he couldn't think of anything that could prevent death because he was used to thinking of objects in terms of what they were _meant_ to do, what their obvious function was, instead of what their possible function could be, which was anything you thought of. Their function was _fixed in place_, until you broke free from the fallacy. Like how a sword was for combat, but it could also hold open a door like a doorstop.

He reviewed each of the objects again, in turn.

A puddle of sticky goo was for trapping people, could it also…trap…death?

_This is ridiculous_, said Gallows Humor. _Just accept it already._

Never!

What else?

Power lines. For providing electricity. Did they stop death? Shikamaru had heard at Fire University about jolts of electricity restarting hearts but not like, _kidneys._

Konoha shinobi?

Hidan?

He threw back his head and laughed. That guy had _caused_ Asuma's death.

"Shikamaru," Asuma said, coughing.

Shikamaru stopped. He realized everyone was staring at him as he was sitting there cackling like a crazy person while his dying mentor struggled to find the breath to give him his final wishes.

"I know this is hard for you to accept, Shikamaru, but-"

NO! Don't accept it!

Could he? Was he being irrational?

Fighting the inevitable?

No! It was never irrational to fight death until the very end.

But maybe it was irrational to fight what logic dictated had to happen.

Shikamaru hesitated. He felt his shoulders sag and he was about to open his mouth to accept the forgone conclusion.

_You didn't finish the exercise, _said his brain firmly_. You have one more question to ask. Ask it before you accept anything._

Fine, Shikamaru thought, holding back another hysterical chuckle. I'll ask it. And now, for the fate of my master's life, the million Ryo question-

Can Hidan be made to prevent death?

He froze. His eyes widened.

Of course he could. He prevented his own death all the time.

Right in front of Shikamaru's eyes.

TWICE.

He swore under his breath and stood up from where he'd been squatting beside Asuma, thinking furiously.

Could he?

Yes! A plan blossomed in Shikamaru's mind and he clutched it like driftwood in an ocean storm.

Speaking almost too fast to be intelligible, Shikamaru rattled off what he wanted from Ino and Choji.

They stared at him.

In horror? Awe? Both?

Probably.

"But that's insane," Ino protested.

"Yes," Shikamaru said, dripping venom. "That's way more insane than LETTING ASUMA DIE."

"But-" Ino started.

"OK Shikamaru." Choji interrupted, giving Ino a look. "We'll do it."

Ino sighed, gritting her teeth.

Nodded.

"Shikamaru…" Asuma said, a hint of reproach and a tinge of pleading in his voice.

Shikamaru repressed the urge to tell Asuma to quit being a pain in the ass and shut the hell up.

"Your job is to not die for two minutes, Sensei." Shikamaru told his master firmly.

Then he stood up and the three of them approached Hidan where he was squaring off with Raidou.

Dirty trick number three acquired.

This time their target was death itself.

**END OF PART 1**


	2. Shikamaru Vs The Impact Bias Part 2

**Shikamaru Versus the Impact Bias: Part 2**

Ino ran over to where Raidou was staring down Hidon. She whispered in his ear. He looked over at Shikamaru sharply.

"I don't know, that seems a bit-Insane."

Ino only nodded vigorously.

Raidou shrugged and performed a Bunshin. His clone raced towards a figure on a building nearby with his hands held high in control of the raven Jutsu. Shikamaru was including him too of course. It was obvious that the ravens had to have come from somewhere, when he had time to think about it. Including Aoba was only natural.

Hidon frowned. As the four shinobi approached him. The Bunshin of Raidou sped up the side of the building and said something to Aoba in the distance.

The ravens suddenly backed off, flying well over Hidon's head, and maintaining a flying pattern there, forming what looked like a ceiling of swirling black feathers.

Hidon made a show of sighing.

"What is it _this_ time? What could you possibly want from me?"

"Guess," said Shikamaru.

"Don't tell me you think you can save your weak ass teacher? My immortality is MINE, asshole. Dumbass heathens like you can't just take it from me."

Shikamaru only smirked at him as the four of them began encircling where Hidon stood. He'd managed to get his scythe back.

"Why can't you fight me straight up? You Konoha shinobi are like rats."

"Eek eek." Shikamaru said.

Choji suddenly stepped in front of Shikamaru and flung a kunai with an explosive note at Hidon.

"I bet you'll dodge this time." Shikamaru's voice taunted from behind Choji.

Hidon bent backwards to dodge.

Ino tossed a handful of kunai with explosive notes at him low in his new position.

He smirked and leapt sideways, twirling in a leap parallel to the ground to avoid them.

As soon as he was nearing a landing, a black sword struck at him from behind. Hidon turned his head and noticed the attack while he was reaching out with his feet to land. He swung his scythe in mid twirl, parrying the blow over his head while he craned his neck way back to track the attack.

He landed with both knees bent and one hand supporting his landing on the ground. His hand wielding the scythe enveloped the black sword, swinging it free. He spun instantly upon landing, orienting on Raidou.

"IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?!" Shrieked Hidon.

A shadow shot along the ground toward his position.

"Oh give me a break already!" Hidon shouted.

He leapt out of the way, streaking right towards Raidou and lashing out at the defenseless Jonin with his scythe.

"Goodbye, rat!" Hidon said as his scythe reached out to finish him.

The Jonin just stood there, the scar on his face crinkling as he looked up at Hidon and smiled.

"Why are you smiling?-"

A shadow fell over both of them.

The angle Raidou was looking at was a bit over Hidon's shoulder.

Hidon frowned at Raidou's lack of dodge attempt and seemed to realize something was up.

His scythe hit Raidou right in the stomach.

He disappeared, the second Bunshin prepared secretly in the first summoning vanishing in smoke.

Hidon looked over his shoulder.

A giant fist shot down through a small hole in the screening ravens, and slammed into Hidon's midsection, pinning both of his arms together and slamming him into the ground violently.

His scythe spun and clattered a few feet away and pulverized rock dust sprang up in a cloud.

The kunai with bits of fake explosive notes tied to them clattered off buildings nearby where they fell down stairs.

"Ino!" Shikamaru said urgently.

"Got it!" She responded and took out a summoning scroll.

A half dozen hypodermic needles appeared in a puff of summoning smoke.

The rock debris cleared and Choji stood just in front of Hidon, holding him down with one giant fist.

"Hurry!" he shouted.

Hidon screamed and squirmed around; cursing death threats at all the loyal rats of Konoha.

Meanwhile Shikamaru and the real Raidou leapt forward and jammed a hypodermic needle each into the obvious vein in his tattered pants.

"What are you rats doing?! GRAHH!" He struggled and squirmed, but Choji barely managed to keep hold.

"Hey wow, looks like we can take your immortality after all!" Shikamaru said conversationally, holding up the full needle of blood.

"My blood? You assholes took my BLOOD!"

He let out a feral scream and began thrashing around.

Shikamaru looked over at Ino "Shikamaru!" Choji yelled as one of his fingers jerked free under Hidon's bid for freedom.

"Don't let him touch you Choji! We're almost done!"

"Right!"

Shikamaru glanced over at Ino who hadn't used her needle yet.

He gaped at her in horror.

"Ino! What the HELL are you doing?"

She was tapping the end of the water-filled needle, looking at it critically.

She looked at him defensively.

"Hey it's standard procedure, if I don't tap out all the bubbles it might-"

"Yeah, you might accidentally put an air bubble into his bloodstream. He might even DIE!" Shikamaru shouted at her sarcastically. "That would be a _tragedy _Ino_!"_

Her mouth formed a little "O" and then she stabbed the needle into his leg, drawing up a full blood.

Three needles full. It should be enough.

Another two fingers lost hold on Hidon and he began shimmying free, _biting_ at Choji in lieu of his scythe.

"Good job Choji!" Shikamaru shouted. "Now get out of there!"

"Got it!" He said, and his arm disappeared in a cloud of smoke as he leapt backwards, normal sized again.

"BLASPHEMY!" Hidon was screaming from his little crater n the ground. "You assholes think you're worthy? You took my _blood_?! That's sacred you assholes! It's fucking _holy!_"

Raidou kept a watchful eye on Hidon where he was painfully trying to extricate himself from his rocky crater. There were a few sharp rocks protruding from his limbs. The crows shot down again, pecking at his eyes.

"You'll burn for this!" Hidon screamed. "Lord Jashin would never accept that weakass master of yours!"

Shikamaru and Ino landed beside Asuma, their hands carrying the collected needles full of Hidon's blood.

"..._too…reckless..." _Asuma said.

Shikamaru was about to unleash a witty rejoinder when Asuma-

Stopped breathing.

His eyes stared out, unblinking.

No. He couldn't be dead. No way.

"INO!" Shikamaru screamed.

She grabbed the needle from him and jammed all three through Asuma's breast plate, injecting the immortal's blood directly into his heart.

Nothing happened.

_Come ON_, Shikamaru thought.

Seconds passed.

"Shikamaru-" Ino said. "I think maybe it's time to-"

"Just wait. Please."

The three of them sat there bent over Asuma, waiting.

But there was nothing.

Nothing!

_Come on Asuma, come on._

Meanwhile, Hidon was continuing to cackle madly as he was inundated with ravens.

"You're all a bunch of dead men! No, more than that?! By the time this is over, your master will wish he was dead! Just wait! You just wait, you'll see!"

Just then a stray raven flew into his mouth and Hidon spent the next few moments spitting out black feathers.

Shikamaru had his head turned in that direction when he heard the distinctive sound of someone seizing a lungful of air.

He snapped his head back around immediately and saw Asuma's body arching painfully up from the ground, as if his muscles were spasming. It looked like some giant, invisible creature was puling at his rib cage.

"_Sensei!"_ Ino said. "Are you-"

Asuma swiveled his head to look in Shikamaru's direction. There was a look of pure shock and horror on his face.

"What _are_ you?" Asuma demanded.

Shikamaru froze in surprise, like a frightened deer.

And before anyone could say anything else, Asuma gasped and his body flopped to the ground, lifeless once more.

Ino immediately put a finger to his neck, taking his pulse.

"Is he-"Choji said, trailing off.

"His pulse-" Ino began.

Shikamaru knew he should be paying attention to what was going on with Asuma, and he was but- he also couldn't get his mind off of what Asuma had said to him. What had he meant? Did he think that Shikamaru's obsession with saving him over completing the mission made him a monster?

"-it's different," Ino finished.

"Different than what?" Choji said, tense.

She hesitated.

"Different than before," She looked down at the needles in her hands, "everything."

"In what way?" Shikamaru heard himself say, surprisingly calm.

"His pulse was racing before, but getting weaker all the time. But now it's… steady. But weak."

Kabuto's voice suddenly crackled to life from Shikamaru's shoulder. He jumped a little, having forgotten all about it.

Kabuto asked Ino a few short questions about Captain Asuma's heartbeat measurements, which she answered after taking a moment to make sure.

"Based on what I'm hearing, it sounds like he may be slipping into a coma. I recommend expediting his return to base."

Shikamaru took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

Asuma was alive. He had to focus on that.

The fact that he was slipping into a coma, that they had no idea why he was going into a coma, or what exactly Hidon's blood had done to him that would "make him wish he were dead" according to Hidon, and that he apparently thought Shikamaru was a monster were all beside the point.

Shikamaru watched the faint rustle of dirt in front of Asuma from his breath.

Alive.

Shikamaru clung to that truth. Nothing else mattered.

Captain Asuma was still alive.

It was OK now. He could work with that.

Shikamaru took a deep breath, letting out tension he had kept in for what seemed like hours now.

He had done it.

They had done it.

He let out his long breath, letting himself be happy with the accomplishment.

It was right then that he felt a cold breath on the back of his neck.

The scent of burnt flesh was in the air

"I want to thank you," a deep, rumbling voice said, right over his right shoulder.

Shikamaru froze in place.

He really needed to learn how to stop doing that.

You know, assuming he didn't get pulverized first.

After all, not being pulverized was a prerequisite for well, anything else really.

"I admit that I have had trouble keeping up with modern inventions of civilians. I see now that was a serious mistake. I may need to reconsider killing you."

Finally Shikamaru was able to turn around and slowly back off from Kakuzu.

He stood there calmly, as if there wasn't a giant burnt hole in his chest from where the electric power line had hit him.

_What gives? Do all Akatsuki members get immortality as a perk?_

Of course, Hidon immediately started yelling.

"Kakuzu! Where the hell have you been? While you were taking your sweet-"

He paused then.

"Wow! What the hell happened to you?"

"I fought a surprisingly clever rat," Kakuzu said, smirking.

Hidon barked out a laugh and pulled himself out of the crater in the ground.

"I know, right? Seriously."

He stretched his limbs a few times, and then scooped up where his scythe had fallen, and casually walked over to where Kakuzu was standing a few feet away from Shikamaru.

The backup team tensed, watching every step Hidon made. It was like everyone was holding their breath.

After what just happened, Shikamaru couldn't imagine any scenarios that actually ended with their victory. After all, they didn't have extra lives like the Akatsuki members did. Seriously, how did you survive being electrocuted directly in the chest?

"Come on Kakuzu; let's kill them now, finally!"

Kakuzu stood there staring at Shikamaru for what seemed like an eternity. For long seconds he said nothing.

Then, without changing any other expression on his face at all-

He curled his lips into a smile.

Shikamaru waited to feel a fist the hardness of a rock impact with the side of his face, knowing that there was no way he could do anything about it, drained as he was.

"No," Kakuzu said finally.

"What?!" Hidon said.

"They STOLE my BLOOD! I can't let them live! It's blasphemy Kakuzu!"

"Like I care about your pointless religion," Kakuzu said.

He didn't take his eyes off of Shikamaru.

"Besides, I cannot allow that one to die. Not until we extract from him all he knows about these new civilian…tools."

"Like I care about that Kakuzu! They have to-"

"Shut up," Kakuzu said, turning to look at him. "I know you heard it. The summons."

Hidon adopted n expression of fake innocence. "Message? I didn't hear-"

"You heard it." Kakuzu said firmly.

Hidon slashed his hand through the air.

"Big deal," he said. "They can totally wait just-"

"We're going," Kakuzu said firmly.

"God damnit!" Hidon shouted. He pointed at Shikamaru with one hand.

"We're not done! You better fucking wait right there you goddamn…"

He thought about it for a moment.

He brightened

"Cheaters!" He called out, just as Kakuzu made hand signs and they disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

Shikamaru took a deep breath and stared at the dissipating smoke from the escape Jutsu. He let his mind wander for just a moment, like relaxing a muscle that had been flexed for a bit too long. The shape of the smoke was nice; it was like the calm shape of clouds.

"What a massive pain in the ass," Shikamaru said, right about the time that everyone began asking him questions all at the same time.

"Coma," Kabuto said, before Shikamaru could say a single word.

Choji and the other Chuunin laid Asuma down on the medical table as Kabuto began hooking Asuma up to an IV and monitoring equipment.

Shikamaru wanted to say something witty about Kabuto's magic ability to make detailed diagnoses within 3 seconds of seeing a patient, but all he managed was-

"Oh."

Shikamaru's face must've recovered it's skeptical look pretty fast because Kabuto immediately put up his hands in contrition and said-

"OK, OK, put him on the table and I'll check it officially, but I've seen this a hundred times. I mean just look at-"

Shikamaru's brain shut out the inevitable medical language automatically. A defense mechanism probably. Kabuto hated being wrong way too much to actually say something like that without being certain of it.

Logically he should withhold judgment before coming to any conclusions but he couldn't help it, his brain was already trying to deal with it.

And that's right about when Kurenai came in, and Shikamaru finished putting down Asuma with the others.

All he could manage was a weak bow and apology to Kurenai before he fled the room.

Shikamaru looked at the remains of the Shougi board all around him. His father, Shikaku regarded his outburst calmly.

"But what am I going to do?" Shikamaru said finally. There were tears in his eyes. His father pretended not to notice.

"Asuma- because of me he might-"

Shikaku gripped him gently but firmly by the shoulders, turning him so they were face to face.

"You're my blood." He said simply. "You're smart. You may even be smarter than me, someday. If there's a solution, you'll find it. But only if you _think_." He tapped him lightly on the forehead with a finger.

Shikamaru sat back, wiping his streaming eyes with a sleeve, trying to calm down, trying to think. Suddenly something pulled at his mind, something his Dad had said. _You're my blood_. He'd said.

_Blood_. The crux of Hidon's power.

And just like that he had it.

Shikamaru stood up, his eyes widening in realization, his chair clattering to the floor behind him...

"It goes both ways!" he said. "I'm your blood, _and your mine_." He told his dad.

Shikaku smiled, took a drink of tea. The smile tugged lightly on the scar that went up past his eye.

"What you say is true. You have an idea?" He said, mildly.

"I have to go." Shikamaru said, turning on his heel and tearing out of the house.

It was wild. It would depend on a few different things working out, the first of which was permission from the Hokage, and the second of which was the trust of a certain group of people.

It could work, Shikamaru thought. It could work.

He could catch Hidon.

He could save Asuma.

You're kidding right?" Shikamaru said in an even voice. "Of course I'm going to go after him; he put Asuma-sensei in a damn coma. And he's still out there."

Lady Tsunade regarded him coolly.

"Shikamaru, I know you want revenge but-"

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow.

"Revenge? Oh, right. I do want payback yes, but that's not the point."

Lady Tsunade frowned. "Not the point?"

Shikamaru took a deep breath. There was no point in calling her a massive idiot. It would be counterproductive and indulgent.

Even if she totally was.

"I still say you're letting this go to your head. You might say it's actually for noble reasons but really-"

"Justification Bias, yes I know."

"What?"

"Justification Bias- I want to do something for X reason, but I say it's for Y reason because Y reason seems more reasonable. Like how I say I'm doing this for the good of all of Konoha but how you think I really just want revenge."

Tsunade decided to simply lift one eyebrow.

"Ok fine, that may be the case- but so? The point is that the reasons I'm going to give still apply- justification bias is moot as long as you're aware of it and you actually still have a good reason for doing it."

"Shikamaru," Tsunade said, getting up, "I think it's more than that. You're mad. Your judgment is skewed. You think that you have to solve this right now, because you're so mad, when really-"

"You're accusing me of an emotional bias. The impact bias. The idea that I'm letting the impact of my current emotional state affect my judgment."

Tsunade continued to frown at him.

"See, researchers at Fire University discovered that when emotional events occur, such as the loss of a loved one, individuals were very poor at understanding how that event would impact them in the long term. This causes them to make bad decisions based on these bad predictions. In this case, the impact bias might make me think that my grief at Asuma's death or satisfaction at his revenge will last much longer than it actually will."

"But, that's not what you're doing," Tsunade said flatly. "Making a long term decision based on a shorter term emotional impact."

Shikamaru found himself gritting his teeth.

"We just witnessed an _immortal_. He can't die. Even if you _cut off his head_. Do you really think I'd be stupid and puerile enough to just blow him up and leave his body parts in a ditch somewhere? My mission is probably the most important mission ever attempted in the history of humanity. If I can capture a live immortal and deliver him to our lab, it will be the biggest scientific wet dream imaginable. Imagine if we can reverse engineer him? Figure out how he works? Revenge for revenge's sake is a massive waste of time. Sure I'd remove him as a threat and plus wow, I would _feel better_? But so what? I think I'd feel a lot better actually, if we turned this defeat into the biggest victory Konoha has ever seen."

Shikamaru delivered all this while calm and unblinking with his hands spread out before him and the fingertips touching.

Tsusnade blinked. "But that's-" She paused. She opened her mouth to say something, and Shikamaru could tell from her micro-expressions that she was irritated and it would likely be another philosophical argument. He opened his own mouth to counter her, but then she made an "Hmm" noise and he stopped.

Tsunade shook her head, her blonde tails flapping back and forth.

"OK" She said slowly. "But why did you say all that about them putting Asuma into a coma if you didn't mean you wanted revenge."

"Well, just because I don't believe in revenge for revenge's sake, doesn't mean I don't have a sense of fair play." Shikamaru said with a wicked grin. "I figure, Hidon put him into a coma, so Hidon is going to bring him back."

END PART 2


End file.
